she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
