Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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