just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
