i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
