i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
