Your face is a jimmy john
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
