Don't you send me to vm
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
