their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize