That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
