You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
