he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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