i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
