Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
