chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
