watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
