thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
