you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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