You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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