Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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