I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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