I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
