They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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