6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
dude. I can hear the air.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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