I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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