When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
