When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
