he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
two words...techno handjob
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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