Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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