this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
