So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
