Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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