I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
