I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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