i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
