tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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