Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
