I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Still dying that you shit outside
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
