guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize