An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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