i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
