we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
