You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
