Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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