She's JV to your varsity
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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