hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
