conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
