never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
