my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You have to summon your inner elephant
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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