I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
