she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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