I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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