heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
