And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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