I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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