Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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