She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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