she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
they're like a gay fantastic four
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
