there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize