Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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