I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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