Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize