So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
