I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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