so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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