dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
