At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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