and next time when you feel me up, do it right
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
