hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't deserve a penis
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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