ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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