You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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