Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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