that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
