Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
