As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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