Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize