we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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