God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
